I had a doctors visit in March where the doctors determined that I had a mass that was probably a cyst, a very large one. There are so many kinds of cysts, some that can grow very large in a short amount of time. It was hard to tell with the ultrasound because it was so large. I looked about 6 months pregnant at the time. They scheduled my surgery on April 4th to remove the mass. Finally. I had been having terrible back pain among other things. My doctor was very experienced and had done this surgery many many times. So I was feeling just as good as he was. He was referred to by many people including doctors. I had the best :)
After surgery experience......
I awoke in a recovery room shortly after my surgery (before going into my personal recovery room). I woke to the nurse asking me if I had signed a document stating I could have a blood transfusion. I said exhausted, "Huh?" and shook my head no. As I dozed off I gave permission for Jon to sign it. I woke again to blood being pumped in me. I remember thinking, "That's weird, I must have lost a lot of blood, why?" I felt like something happened that was not supposed to happen. I was too tired to be worried about it at the time though. I thought they probably took both ovaries, nah, and I fell back asleep. I woke to my doctor trying to talk to me. He asked how I was feeling and I was so tired I barely said good. He said he wanted to talk about how the surgery went. I looked at him then fell asleep....again! I remember hearing, "I'll talk to you later. I will go talk to your husband."
My nurses came and went. All the nurses were especially careful and I remember thinking why are they so enthralled with me? I felt I had so much undivided attention in a room full of recovering patients. I again thought, what happened? My original nurse came back at some point. I was so curious so I asked, "How did the surgery go?" She looked at me, resisting something and said, "They removed the mass, you need to rest." When my room was ready they wheeled me into the hall where I met up with Jon. I was feeling really good.
As the nurses pulled me onto my new bed I remembered to ask something that had been bothering me since before my surgery. I asked, "What am I supposed to do because I am supposed to start my period this week?" I didn't know how the surgery would interfere with that process. She quickly responded, "Honey, you don't have to worry about those any more. That's what happens when they take it all out." I was dumb struck. The nurses saw my face and and looked around as to say, "Oops." The nurse that had been with me in the recovery room told them that the doctor did not have a chance to tell me anything. They all looked at Jon and one said, "Would you like to tell her?" I remember thinking that I knew something big had happened. I couldn't believe it. I started to cry. I was not going to be able to have children any more. It really hurt. I looked at Jon and he looked at me with watery eyes and folded arms trying to hold back tears. He said they had to take out my ovaries and uterus. Then he paused and said with a shaky voice, "De, they found cancer."
I was not sad to have found out I had cancer. But the tears poured because I knew I could not have any more children. It didn't take long before I stopped crying. It was just Jon and I in the room. He held me. I actually felt so good. Not just physically (the meds had not worn off yet) but mentally and spiritually. The reassurance came to me that I was going to be okay. Jon asked if I was going to be okay and I said yes. I really meant it too. I felt like I needed to reassure Jon and the nurses that I was going to be okay. Everyone was so concerned for me. Something clicked at that point...Jon and a friend had given me a blessing of comfort the night before. In that blessing I remember hearing, "Things will be hard, but you will get through it." At the time I thought, of course, it will be hard recovering from a major surgery, I know it will all be okay though. Little did I know what more that was referring to. That night a few more people stopped by, this time to give me a healing blessing. In it the Lord said that if I have faith, I will get over this and I will be okay. I really believe him. Even now, weeks later I am hardly swayed by this news.
My doctor talked to me the next morning. He apologized to me. He was devastated with what they had found. He apologized for saying in my doctors appointment that it was most likely a cyst and he wasn't concerned about cancer at my age. I wasn't either and I didn't want him to feel he had to apologize. Ovarian cancer is not one you can easily detect and is usually found during surgery already at stage 3. He said as soon as he opened me up he was shocked. He called in a surgical oncologist and the hospital's head surgeon. They worked on me for hours. He told me that in his 40+ years of being a doctor, he has never seen this in so young a person, and probably will never see it again considering his age. I've had doctors and nurses express to me they are praying for me. I felt close to a few of my nurses during the week I was in the hospital. The nurses even had their churches praying for me. They said they really felt a love for me, I being the age of their grandchildren.
I started chemo therapy almost 2 weeks ago. The second time I cried was right before my nurse put the IV in me. It kinda hit me what was actually happening and it was hard to fathom, but after a few minutes of crying and hugging my nurse and Jon I felt really good again. I spent 7 hours getting bag after bag of all kinds of fluids pumped into me. It was a rough few days and I checked into the hospital once and went in for a CT scan another day, but since then I've been doing well. My doctors advised me to drink lots and lots of fluids and I did not drink as much as I should have. Lesson learned! I had not eaten or drunk anything in 4 days except ice chips while I was in the hospital, then I had to start chemo quickly, the next week because of the advancing cancer. My poor body. I think next time will be a lot better.
Doctors are calling it ovarian cancer but it is appearing to be a mix between that and germ cell cancer. I was informed that my tumor was discussed a the tumor conference last week. Cool huh? Doctors are not satisfied with any of the results they see. Immediately after surgery samples were sent to numerous labs, including Michigan where the nations top cancer experts reside. None of them could agree on it. Currently samples are all over the country. It seems as though I have intrigued scientists. I am being treated for ovarian cancer, but that might change as things develop. The cancer is very aggressive and stage 3. The more aggressive the cancer, the better it responds to treatments. The cancer cells are very difficult because they are not mature cells like you would typically see. I have one of the best oncology doctors in the region and I have been very pleased with his decisions. He collaborates with many top oncologists, so I am feeling very well taken care of.
To summarize how I feel about all of this........
I am 24 years old and I have two young children. I have a cancer that does not often occur in women my age, really a cancer that world experts cannot identify for sure. I cannot help but think that this experience is to help more people than just myself and Jon. As soon as my family knew about it they all were right by my side, many of whom I had not seen in a very long time. I have more love surrounding me and more people praying for me than I could ever imagine. I believe the Lord answers the prayers of the earnest in their asking and I am so blessed and grateful for all those who are thinking of me and praying for me. Each individual person who has expressed love for me in any way, I have sincerely thanked the Lord for and each and every expression has been well needed.
15 years ago
